Our apartment

Okay. I love our apartment. Really love it. Want to see it? Here it is (minus the rooms that were too messy to be photographed):

(living room)

(dining room)

(bedroom)

Ta da! Yep, it's wonderful. Also, I have no idea how to place the photos where I want them on blogspot...oh well.

See those two awesome bright-colored canvases sitting on top of my dresser? I found that fabric at this fabric shop in Spokane called The Top Stitch, stretched it over some canvases I already had, and voila! Wall decor. The Top Stitch does sewing classes every month too and I think I just might sign up for a beginning one. I'd like to be able to make my own stuff, and it seems like they cater to the young, hip crowd, so they may be able to teach me how to make things I actually want to keep. I am excited.

Marriage

It's been a fascinating year. Josh and I got married on July 12, 2008, and so far it's been pretty amazing, with some distinct rough patches to give it some "character" (Shabby chic is cool, right? My, our marriage is so fashionable!).

I view marriage almost as a living organism, independent from the two of us. We talk about "our marriage" as if it were a third party that needs constant attention. We check in on it often, find out how it's doing, what we can do to more thoroughly satisfy its needs. Each of us may be happy with our jobs, our activities, our friends, and everything else in our individual lives, but if we haven't spent enough time paying attention to our marriage, things get seriously off-kilter.

Marriage is the best gift I've ever received, and it's still a huge mystery to me. Josh and I are vastly different from each other in terms of personality, which makes things difficult at times, but mostly it allows us to fill in each other's gaps and shortcomings. When I need to lighten up, he's silly; when he lacks motivation, I give him a push in the right direction. I don't really understand how it has worked out so well, but I'm thankful for the mysterious, almost supernatural quality of this relationship.

Marriage is also hard. Never before have my faults been so clear to me; my pride, stubbornness, capacity for grudge-holding, perfectionism...rarely does Josh actually point these things out to me, but they become evident to me when I see his humility, flexibility, graciousness, and laid back nature. He has faults of his own, of course, but when it comes down to it, I've struggled with myself much more than I've struggled with him. I've struggled to let go when I think I'm right, to sacrifice more of myself, to value his well-being as much as I value my own. To be honest, I'm not sure I've made much progress in any of those areas, but the growth has begun. This is what makes the whole marriage experience both so difficult and so important. It is chiseling away my imperfections and turning me into a person I never could have become without the constant rub of my husband's presence.

I'm thankful for the past year. I'm thankful for where we are today, and for where we will be next year. And I'm so thankful that God gives us the ability to be better together than we would be apart.

Fall in Spokane

October is my favorite month to live in Spokane, by far. Today is October 1st and so far the month hasn't let me down; today's high was 58 degrees, I am wearing my favorite scarf, and I bought a cinnamon dolce latte from Starbucks (not that I haven't been doing that all summer in hopes that it might bring the fall weather a little earlier...).

Tomorrow I'm going to spend the whole day cooking and baking, and it's going to be glorious. I'm usually not too crazy about cooking, but my love for fall tends to make me a little obsessive about all things homey. I've been knitting and I also have this burning desire to sew things and set the table for dinner with candles and pretty napkins. Anyway, I intend to take advantage of my weekend by making the most delicious butternut squash bisque ever, and tons of zucchini bread. I bought a gigantic zucchini at Green Bluff this weekend (also very fall-ish; we had pumpkin donuts and apple cider and rode the Fruit Loop Express), so I could very seriously spend the entire day baking and cooking, just to use it up. I'm not kidding. It's the size of one of Josh's calves.

In other news, I have lost 13 pounds in the past month, and i feel awesome. For the first time in almost a year, I actually feel attractive. I've still got another 12 pounds to go before I reach my goal, but I already feel a million times better than I did. My current goal is to look awesome in my maid--er, matron--of honor dress for Jamie's wedding in a little over a week.

That's it for now. Making small steps toward being a regular blogger.

"Letting loose" my way

When it comes down to it, I tend to overanalyze most parts of my life, including this blog. I get myself all worked up about what I'm going to say and how I'm going to say it, and how it could never possibly be as profound and unique as my dear friend Jessica's blog (among others). However, I've had a pretty large beer, so I'm going to take this opportunity to spill whatever I'm thinking, in the hopes that I might be less uptight about this thing in the future.
Here are my thoughts:

1. I like lists--especially ones with numbers. They help me make sense of things. I've never been good with grey areas, and I guess transitioning between thoughts might fall into that category. Numbers do the transitioning for you.
2. I am so incredibly blessed to have the friends that I do. In the next 8 months, I get to be a bridesmaid in the weddings of two of my most wonderful longtime friends; plus, for my birthday I get to spend a weekend in Portland with 3 of the people I love most in the world. I especially love that I've reached a point with each of them where I know we'll be friends for the rest of our lives, even when life gets busy and we don't call each other as often as we should.
3. I'm not good at letting go. I want to be perfect--I want every word coming out of my mouth to be the right word, to be the best at everything I do, to be profound and funny at the same time, to have total control of my life at all times. I am learning that not only is this impossible, but it's really not helping me be a healthier person. Working on that.
4. I am not very creative, but I surround myself with creative people. I love my friends who have few inhibitions, who create art, who say things they shouldn't, who do random things on a whim...even though I may not always understand or choose to participate.

That's it for tonight. I think Josh accidentally fell asleep on the couch, so i should probably get ready for bed. It's almost 1:30 A.M. anyway. I promise to come back soon.